Right now I am on a boat…. I am moving down a tranquil, windy river in the dark. The Lord keeps telling me to be faithful because He knows where we are going.
I keep trying to take the oar and row the boat myself… then the Lord gently asks me to stop trying to steer.
I keep trying to bring other people in the boat so that I am not alone… then he gently reminds me that He needs it to be just me and him right now.
I keep trying to protect myself from the waves by throwing my arms up to cover my face from the icy, cold spray… then he gently asks me to sit in the pain of the water hitting me.
I keep trying to get through the pain… then he gently tells me to stop fighting because He wants to fight for me.
I keep trying to make a plan to get out of the boat… then he gently asks me to just be.
I am being broken in half.
I am being taught humility. I am on the ground as low as I can get and the Lord is asking me to get lower. I am giving Him all that I think I have and he is asking for more.
Humility costs everything. Following Jesus costs everything.
It costs friendships, future plans, comfort, your gifts, who you think you are… in this season the Lord is asking me give Him everything I have.
I feel weak.
Humility honors the Lord. In my weakness the Lord is being glorified because I recognize that I can do nothing apart from Him and I don’t want to. I want to see the face of God.
I would not have told the people of Israel to seek me
if I could not be found.
Isaiah 45:19
I can’t see where this river is taking me, but I feel the presence of the Lord in every wave and ripple. In the midst of this chaos and lack of control I feel hope… because I trust my Father. I trust that He would not ask me to seek him if I could not find him. I trust his plan for my life. I trust that the work he is doing in me is shaping me to be a better mother and wife one day, a better friend, a better leader, a better sister, and, a better daughter.
We’re doing the thing in Georgia!
Much love, Carson
