We are all children of the same Creator. We were all made in the image of Christ. Recently I have been listening to a song called “Where You Are” by Bethel. My favorite line of the song says “I just want to be where you are… I just want to be near your heart.”
We are all made in the likeness of Jesus. As I hear these lyrics I ask myself the questions: Where is God’s heart? AND What do I want to be near?
For me I experience God’s heart in children like Mai and Nha and their sweet smiles and hugs in Thailand, in conversations with my best friend Emily, in hugs with my roommates, in challenging questions from my friends Ben and Ashley, in laughing with Amie Beth and Libby, in the comfort of being home with my family that knows me well, in sharing stories with Ana, in watching leaves fall off of trees, in coloring and drawing what I feel, and in watching others wrestle with and find their identity in Jesus.
These are the things I want to be near because this is where I experience God in his fullness. This is where I experience His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control because in all reality people are where I experience the fruit of God.
Recently I have been praying for the fruit of gentleness.
As I pray I hear the Lord say “I have already put gentleness inside you,” so now I pray for the Lord to give me opportunities to chose gentleness over frustration and annoyance. As a result the Lord has surrounded me with people that exude his gentleness so that I can do the same. The fruits of the Spirit are not abstract things that are in us… they are the characteristics of Christ in us. We are all walking around with that likeness so we are all fruit bearers of Christ.
People are fruit.
We all possess good fruit yet we also possess fruit that is not so good.
A fruit in my life that is not so good is my need to be needed.
I realized recently that this need is one I have never let God touch before.
God can’t heal what you won’t let him touch.
I feel valued and loved when people come to me because they need to talk or if they need a favor done for them. I deeply care about people and their needs. A friend asked me the other day, “do you value yourself or them.” I am learning to value myself and take care of myself better so I responded, “I value me.” Her response felt like a knife going into me, “You are already valuing yourself because you want them to need you for you not them.”
The Lord is redeeming and examining my need to be needed and He is changing me. He is asking me to need him only. He is replacing my need with a desire to love and care for those around me because deep down I truly do care about people’s growth and becoming more of their true self.
On Monday morning I was frustrated with myself for this need to be needed. I prayed Lord please empty me of all the things that are not of you. As I prayed that I thought of myself completely empty.
This was the Lord’s response in a picture and words:
I kept seeing a picture of my insides and they were strings of veins and organs that were black, gray, blue, red, and green. There were spider web like black masses like mold and green gunk and moss on the my insides. The Lord said: “NO (this is the first time I have heard him say no before) I won’t undo what I have already done in you. I won’t empty you completely. I won’t take the good I put in you. I won’t take out the good fruit. I will only take the black, gray, and gross green, and clear that out. You will still have the red that is me and the blue that is you and the green that is the new growth in you.”
Now I see my insides without the grey and black… The Lord is redeeming my need to be needed. He is taking that out of me and replacing it with a desire to want and need him and a desire to love purely as well as deeply.
We’re doing the thing in Georgia!
Much love, Carson
